Philintheflesh Wrote:"Now I wouldn`t say my wife`s exactly fat, but when she..."

- This joke has literally hundreds of different endings...all of them spectacularly unfunny. The speciality of a flat-vowelled, foul-mouthed sexist/racist/bigotted obese Mancunian comic called Bernard Manning.

...He`s dead now.

I'm trying to read between the lines here, are you saying you don't like BM?

I think the sarcastic smile after the word 'dead' would indicate that, yes.

Wings on the Pig Wrote:I think the sarcastic smile after the word 'dead' would indicate that, yes.

It's after the word "now".

Good point.

Whats Red and White ?






















Pink

What kind of bees make milk? Boo-bies

chromeboomerang Wrote:What kind of bees make milk? Boo-bies

That made me chuckle...

Some cool stuff from Vic and Bob, though the comedy made be lost here.

Bob: Hey Vic, can you smell onions?
Vic: No
Bob: What? Even if they're REALLY close up!?

Bob: Hey Vic, have you farted?
Vic: No I have NOT!
Bob: What? Never!?
--------------------------------------------

A tomato, a piece of gum, and a penis are all talking.

The tomato says "I've got the worst life, I get cut up and stuck in a sandwhich".

The piece of gum says "No, mine's worse, I get chewed up, spit out and stepped on".

The penis says "No, by far I've gor the worst life... I get a plastic bag stuck over my head, then I'm shoved in a dark tunnel and made to do push ups 'till I throw up!"

A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.

"Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor.
"You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman.
"What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific."


The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ow, even THAT hurts", she cried.

The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis, "You have a broken finger."

a guy goes into a bar. he says "yo bartender, gimme a gin an' tonic." the bartender serves the drink.

the same goes goes the next night. he says "yo bartender, gimme a gin an' tonic." the bartender serves the drink.

the third night the same guys goes into the bar. he says "yo bartender, gimme a gin an' tonic." out of curiousity, the bartender asks the guy, "you like gin an' tonics, eh?"

the guys responds, "yeah, i do."

Varg Wrote:a guy goes into a bar. he says "yo bartender, gimme a gin an' tonic." the bartender serves the drink.

the same goes goes the next night. he says "yo bartender, gimme a gin an' tonic." the bartender serves the drink.

the third night the same guys goes into the bar. he says "yo bartender, gimme a gin an' tonic." out of curiousity, the bartender asks the guy, "you like gin an' tonics, eh?"

the guys responds, "yeah, i do."